I lost my job today.
I am a teacher. I love teaching. I have been teaching at a small christian school for the last 7 or 8 years. The students there are amazing. Meanwhile, I spent most summers trying to break into the public school system where the money and stability were slightly higher. I had interview after interview and never seemed to be able to get my foot in the door, even though my husband did. It was exhausting, humiliating and discouraging.
Here I am again not able to do what I want to do so desperately. I can't imagine doing anything else. I truly believe it is what I am suppose to be doing.
So why can't I do it. I'm so frustrated, I'm angry. At the same time, I feel the need to pretend like it is no big deal. I don't want people to know I am doubting myself, my abilities, my destiny.
At the same time, I don't want to bring God into this (even if that isn't really an option). It brings up too many questions that can't be answered, and again doubts. Again frustration.
4 comments:
I think... don't fight against the doubt. Go ahead and pretend for others if you have to, but not for yourself.
Can't wait to hang out with you.
I'm sorry for your frustration and pain.
Thanks for sharing your heart here though. My heart related to the words that used to describe your frustrated heart. And in an odd way it was encouraging. But what to do? These frustrations, desires and situations...what is the heart to do? Hm.
On a side note, how would you feel about meeting up sometime?
I'm so sorry you lost your job.
I know how it feels to be in complete frustration like that.
I really hope it turns out well. I really, really do.
i sighed really loudly when i read this. i'm sorry to hear you lost your job. from everything i know about you, i know you are a fantastic teacher. i'm sorry for the loss and for the questions it's raised in your heart.
from a song i love: "I don't think He's threatened when we ask questions, when we have doubts and disbelief. I don't think He's angry when we are human; that's what He made us to be."
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