This one deserves a blog! I am finally done with a paper I have been working on since approximately July 27, maybe earlier. Yeah, I need deadlines to motivate me. Teacher emailed today, "Where is your paper?" Hello motivation. I have worked on it little by little, but mostly I have just hemmed, hawed and procrastinated. I (the teacher) decided tonight was the night. Time to bite the bullet and get it done.
So here is to a whole day at the kitchen table writing about crap I really don't care about and going to bed at 2:00 a.m.!
Peace out!
August 15, 2008
August 2, 2008
The teacher
I lost my job today.
I am a teacher. I love teaching. I have been teaching at a small christian school for the last 7 or 8 years. The students there are amazing. Meanwhile, I spent most summers trying to break into the public school system where the money and stability were slightly higher. I had interview after interview and never seemed to be able to get my foot in the door, even though my husband did. It was exhausting, humiliating and discouraging.
Here I am again not able to do what I want to do so desperately. I can't imagine doing anything else. I truly believe it is what I am suppose to be doing.
So why can't I do it. I'm so frustrated, I'm angry. At the same time, I feel the need to pretend like it is no big deal. I don't want people to know I am doubting myself, my abilities, my destiny.
At the same time, I don't want to bring God into this (even if that isn't really an option). It brings up too many questions that can't be answered, and again doubts. Again frustration.
I am a teacher. I love teaching. I have been teaching at a small christian school for the last 7 or 8 years. The students there are amazing. Meanwhile, I spent most summers trying to break into the public school system where the money and stability were slightly higher. I had interview after interview and never seemed to be able to get my foot in the door, even though my husband did. It was exhausting, humiliating and discouraging.
Here I am again not able to do what I want to do so desperately. I can't imagine doing anything else. I truly believe it is what I am suppose to be doing.
So why can't I do it. I'm so frustrated, I'm angry. At the same time, I feel the need to pretend like it is no big deal. I don't want people to know I am doubting myself, my abilities, my destiny.
At the same time, I don't want to bring God into this (even if that isn't really an option). It brings up too many questions that can't be answered, and again doubts. Again frustration.
July 30, 2008
Try again tomorrow
Here I am, back in blog world, just trying to get in one entry before August is here. I'm going to blame my absence in July on the class I took, Children's Media Studies. I think I just figured out that I never come out of a class armed with the objectives the teacher set out with for the students. For example, I came out of this class with a new appreciation for video games thanks to a book called What Video Games Have to Teach Us About Learning and Literacy by James Paul Gee. Anyway, I had to do quite a bit of reading and movie viewing for the class and it ate up my July. Now I am trying to write a paper that is due in August sometime. I hate writing papers!!!
So here I am. With nothing to write, but a paper on children's media and identity development. Let's all just face it, I am much better at keeping up with other people's blogs than my own. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow.
So here I am. With nothing to write, but a paper on children's media and identity development. Let's all just face it, I am much better at keeping up with other people's blogs than my own. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow.
June 11, 2008
Vacations and Namesakes
So, I took the month of May off from blogging. I know, I know, I said I would be here more often (I can see all three of you nodding), but maybe this time I won't be lying because I got a new laptop. I am getting ready to take my second Masters course, so my man bought it for me. Yeah!
I have also been thinking about the last entry. I am still not sure about what names I would have chosen, but I have some ideas. I don't know whose naming process is best because either way, some children still have to live with horrible names.
My first child, Evan, would be a sensitive one. I became pregnant with him during my engagement to his father. We broke up for a time, but eventually got back together. There are names I could choose that would focus on the difficult moments of my pregnancy, but instead I would probably choose words that would represent the fact that he helped my husband and I realize our love for one another, he gave us hope for the future, and being pregnant with him I learned about strength I didn't know I possessed. Love, Hope, Strength.
Kyrsten was a different story. She was planned. We hardly had to try at all (bummer). It was as if all things said it is time for your family to grow again. I could focus on the fact that she stubbornly remained breach until the bitter end, but I would choose for her something more. When we found out she was coming we began looking for a house for our larger family. Joy, Beginnings, Content.
Lucas was a thought that manifested itself. We were talking about the possibility and surprise! I had such an easy pregnancy except for enduring all the "Was this planned" questions. It seems absurd to some people to have more than two children. What-ever! We were excited to wonder and meet this new person we really hadn't expected. Complete, Wonder, Possibility.
I have also been thinking about the last entry. I am still not sure about what names I would have chosen, but I have some ideas. I don't know whose naming process is best because either way, some children still have to live with horrible names.
My first child, Evan, would be a sensitive one. I became pregnant with him during my engagement to his father. We broke up for a time, but eventually got back together. There are names I could choose that would focus on the difficult moments of my pregnancy, but instead I would probably choose words that would represent the fact that he helped my husband and I realize our love for one another, he gave us hope for the future, and being pregnant with him I learned about strength I didn't know I possessed. Love, Hope, Strength.
Kyrsten was a different story. She was planned. We hardly had to try at all (bummer). It was as if all things said it is time for your family to grow again. I could focus on the fact that she stubbornly remained breach until the bitter end, but I would choose for her something more. When we found out she was coming we began looking for a house for our larger family. Joy, Beginnings, Content.
Lucas was a thought that manifested itself. We were talking about the possibility and surprise! I had such an easy pregnancy except for enduring all the "Was this planned" questions. It seems absurd to some people to have more than two children. What-ever! We were excited to wonder and meet this new person we really hadn't expected. Complete, Wonder, Possibility.
April 28, 2008
What to name the kid...
So I was in our morning staff meeting and a friend and fellow teacher was explaining how a friend of hers, who just had a baby, named the baby Journey. They were missionaries in Africa and there the people name their baby a word that describes the time period during which the baby was born or carried or conceived (not sure which).
I just started cracking up when I thought about what I might possibly have named my children if this were the case here in the States. Don't you wonder what your name would be if your parents had followed this naming procedure? I think I might ask.
I just started cracking up when I thought about what I might possibly have named my children if this were the case here in the States. Don't you wonder what your name would be if your parents had followed this naming procedure? I think I might ask.
April 25, 2008
Soccer Coaches are like a Box of Chocolates...
It is kind of hard for me to describe "the dictator," aka Evan's soccer coach with out you being able to hear her. Don't get me wrong, I think it takes a really gifted, special person to handle a group of first and second graders...short attention spans, frequent need for a bathroom, toilet humor, endless questions etc. She is not a very patient lady, so imagine someone saying "line up, line up...hurry up" in a very impatient voice while giving you .243 seconds to comply and you are about 20 yards from where she wants you to line up. Sounds frustrating, now imagine you are 7 years old.
At the first practice I was somewhat bothered. Natalie joined me and we joked around about it. After the coach talked to the parents I saluted and said "Aye, aye captain" as I walked back to my seat. Practice came to an end and I asked Evan, "How did you like it?" I was prepared to quit. This is for fun and if he wasn't going to have fun well then... He loved it. And at the second practice the coach was the same and he loved it. He even said he really liked his coach. What is it that children can see (or accept) in people that adults can't?
Needless to say, lessons were learned. No silly, not soccer lessons, life lessons. Am I going to let him quit anytime the situation isn't exactly what he expects? No, he has to learn how to make commitments and stick with them, and he needs to learn how to deal with people that bother him. So unless she starts berating the children or making them feel bad about themselves, she'll just have to be my chocolate covered maple cream.
At the first practice I was somewhat bothered. Natalie joined me and we joked around about it. After the coach talked to the parents I saluted and said "Aye, aye captain" as I walked back to my seat. Practice came to an end and I asked Evan, "How did you like it?" I was prepared to quit. This is for fun and if he wasn't going to have fun well then... He loved it. And at the second practice the coach was the same and he loved it. He even said he really liked his coach. What is it that children can see (or accept) in people that adults can't?
Needless to say, lessons were learned. No silly, not soccer lessons, life lessons. Am I going to let him quit anytime the situation isn't exactly what he expects? No, he has to learn how to make commitments and stick with them, and he needs to learn how to deal with people that bother him. So unless she starts berating the children or making them feel bad about themselves, she'll just have to be my chocolate covered maple cream.
April 3, 2008
Snow White
So, I'm trying to follow through on my quest to blog more. Here goes.
I am not one to go to the grocery store alone. Most may find this crazy, but usually all five of us go. Today, it was Kyrsten, Lucas and I.
Kyrsten was dressed in a complete Snow White costume, cape and all. There are two reasons she was dressed like this. One, she was like that when I picked her up from my mom's. Two, why fight about taking it off when it performs the same duty as clothes.
As I was walking through the store, people smiled and pointed. Then a woman actually came up to me and said, "I just want to say, you are a cool mom!" (See ego inflating here.) Apparently, uncool moms do not allow their children to dress as Disney characters at the grocery store. So I said to Kyrsten, "We need to go grab some fruit before we go." (I know, I know. They even eat fruit.) Then I looked at her with real big eyes and said, "We better not by apples. That didn't work out so well for Snow White last time." She looked back at me with big eyes and said, "You're right, I might die." And then we laughed.
We bought strawberries and bananas instead.
I am not one to go to the grocery store alone. Most may find this crazy, but usually all five of us go. Today, it was Kyrsten, Lucas and I.
Kyrsten was dressed in a complete Snow White costume, cape and all. There are two reasons she was dressed like this. One, she was like that when I picked her up from my mom's. Two, why fight about taking it off when it performs the same duty as clothes.
As I was walking through the store, people smiled and pointed. Then a woman actually came up to me and said, "I just want to say, you are a cool mom!" (See ego inflating here.) Apparently, uncool moms do not allow their children to dress as Disney characters at the grocery store. So I said to Kyrsten, "We need to go grab some fruit before we go." (I know, I know. They even eat fruit.) Then I looked at her with real big eyes and said, "We better not by apples. That didn't work out so well for Snow White last time." She looked back at me with big eyes and said, "You're right, I might die." And then we laughed.
We bought strawberries and bananas instead.
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